Date: Sun, 19 Jan 2014 09:23:51 -0500
Mom's condition continues to gradually decline, with more time in bed,
more time asleep, and fewer trips downstairs. She had a good visit with
the VNA nurse, who said she was doing well, but then passed a couple of
tough nights.
She has been surrounded by an able team of California Caretakers --
Hester, Adam, and Kathy. Last night Rees arrived, and Hester and Alana
return to the west coast and school obligations.
Last night we had a wonderful dinner, 10 at table. Steve and I, Sokra,
Hester and Alana, the Workums, Kathy, Adam, and Georgia Schreiber on a
quick trip from Berkeley, a much welcome addition. Two dinners, actually,
as Susan and I got our wires crossed and each prepared a feast. Who knew
that spaghetti bolongnese blended so well with beef stew and biscuits?
The scene was so warm and familiar, I kept feeling as though Mom had just
stepped out of the room. Her company was much missed, but we're fortunate
to have her in familiar surroundings, seeming very comfortable, surrounded
by loving family and at HOME, which is a rare gift.
Adam returns to California mid-week, and Rees and Kathy stay through next
weekend, with Cait standing by to take over "head nurse and hotelier"
duties after that, with coordinated help from Dan and me as well as the
many friends who have offered to lend a hand. We'll be adding nursing and
Home Health services if and as we need them.
Thanks for all the well-wishing from friends and family far and near. I
have tried to keep up with adding emails to this list as you've sent them
-- let me know if there are others.
Best,
Guy
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
Today Rees and Adam took Mom to an appointment with her Oncologist, Dr. Falke, and the difference from 2 weeks ago was striking -- it took quite a lot of doing to get her wrapped up against the 9 degrees outside and into the car, and when she arrived she couldn't stay in the waiting room but went right to an exam room to lie down and rest/sleep until Dr. Falke could see her.
The "Hospice" designation is now official, with Mom's consent and full understanding of its implications, which includes limited measures if things go poorly BUT increased nursing and other help for comfort.
A special bright spot was enjoyed last night when Mom came downstairs and thoroughly enjoyed the COMPLETE new episode of "Downton Abbey", getting quite cross that Anna's wrong was not yet righted, and looking forward to the cad getting his just desserts.
[I'm reminded of our beloved Mimi (aka Helen Parsons "Sally" "Chick" "Mimi" Storms Parker)'s last months in 1984 I guess, where she seemed to will herself to stick around for the Summer Olympics and the new sport, Synchronized Swimming, which she declared, with relish, was the "most pornographic thing I've ever seen on television". ]
We've had lots of wonderful visitors, family and friends, over the past couple of weeks, and the Californians remain on duty to make sure she's surrounded by both peace and quiet and plenty of the love we all have for her.
Dr. Falke reiterated that we don't know just how long we can expect this awful disease to take its course. We'll just take things like Downton Abbey, one gorgeous, opulent, drama-filled episode at a time.
Thanks for all your support and love, I'll keep you posted if there are any significant developments.
Guy
Thursday, January 30, 2014
Last week I texted the Home Front to check in and was told Mom and Caitlin were lolling about listening to Opera.
“La Traviata”, I quipped darkly, “or La Boheme?” (both operas end with the heroine in bed dying of consumption). Madame Butterfly, as it turned out.
But the description of yesterday’s activities, which apparently have been pretty typical a the Homans Lane Manse, brought to mind another operatic scenario entirely – the first act of “Der Rosenkavalier”.
In it, the beautiful but just-beyond-the-blush-of-youth Marshalin is attended in her boudoir at her “Levee”, which consists of a parade of family, friends, well-wishers, on-lookers, handout seekers, etc. who form an unending and eventually hilarious whirlwind of activity.
Yesterday’s highlights in Mom’s bedroom included the heroic California Caretakers, various friends and neighbors, the hospice nurse, the housecleaner, the hairdresser, the man who installed the Stairlift, etc. The Opera Singer (in Rosenkavalier) was represented by the real thing – niece Sarah Heltzel, who provided several gorgeous arias to the accompaniment of the buzzing of the dryer and the house-shaking drilling of the stairlift installation. My sibs were somewhat uncertain of the program, but I’m fairly sure it included what I would have begged for – “Mon Coeur s’ouvre a sa voix…” from “Samson and Delilah”, an unbeatable mezzo favorite:
It goes like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?
For a sample of Sarah herself knockin’ em out with CARMEN, tryhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?
I joined the fray – considerably calmed down – last evening for some wonderful Meg Herman soup and Maral Pugh stew, another Downton Abbey with Mom, who complains she has trouble keeping the footmen straight, and some too-late gabfesting with Rees after Hester and Kathy had sensibly retired.
Mom’s sturdy frame continues to dwindle as her intake has tapered off, but she remains largely pain-free and continues to regale us with family lore and Dowager-like zingers.
There’s a New Yorker cartoon that begs to be cited. An older man is tucked in bed, obviously ailing, as his doting wife leans in. His line:
“I know the doctor said this is only a bad cold, but in case he’s mistaken I’d like to hear side eight of ‘Der Rosenkavalier’ one last time.”
The last act of Rosenkavalier, when our heroine, losing her young lover to a more appropriate partner, resolves to bless the couple and let be what must be, contains music so sublime that it would be perfectly appropriate for anyone’s last days, or as a soundtrack as they entered Heaven:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?
For us, of course it ISN'T only a bad cold, but for the moment, we’re still very much in Act 1.
Thanks for the many well-wishes and prayers, which are clearly paying off.
Guy
February 4, 2014
Just a quick blurb to keep people in the loop about Mom/Anne's situation and condition.
As most are aware, Mom's battle with cancer is in its "winding down" phase, with no aggressive treatments (chemo, radiation, surgery) contemplated. After her hospitalization around New Year's, we feared for the worst and let many know that anything's possible, but a few more days or weeks was quite within the realm of possibilities.
Well, anything IS possible, and things have stabilized. Under the wonderful care of some intermittent Hospice nurses and CONSTANT attention by her California Clan (Rees, Kathy, Hester and Adam), Mom's condition has remained tenuous but stable for the 5 weeks since she was discharged from the hospital.
We are enormously grateful for two things: she is mentally COMPLETELY intact (allowing for a little drifting after some medications) and for the most part NOT in any pain or discomfort, other than the inevitable weakness and lassitude that has kept her essentially bedbound for the past several weeks. Make that three things: she's HOME, and her loved ones have been able to visit, reminisce, catch up, and give a hand-hold in comfortable surroundings with lovely food and ample parking. We are all grateful for the visits from friends and family from far and wide and the chance to catch up, reaquaint, restore, renew, and get to feel the support and warmth of the very many who know and love our mother.
This weekend, we make a transition, as Adam and Rees and Kathy return to their courageously-neglected lives in LA and Cait moves in a primary hotelier and caretaker with (hopefully adequate) support and spelling by Dan/Maral and me. A close friend has been invited to move in to help with daytime care; I'll be around Wednesdayevenings and Sundays; and we'll be enlisting more overnight professional help as the need arises.
Cait has planned an ambitious "spa" program to keep Mom soothed and pampered in the coming weeks, including exercise, entertainment, massage, acupuncture and naps as needed. Perhaps we can build in some "phone time" where Mom and/or Cait can plan on answering calls from well-wishers -- we'll keep you posted.
We are thrilled by the wonderful opportunity these weeks have provided for unexpected pleasures -- Mom's stories of the family, her wry humor in the face of the grim situation, the music, the mayhem. We know that each day, each week is precious and we hope things stay that way until the end, whenever that ends up being. Cancer can be a "slow fade" or a swift and terrible ending, or something in between. I feel strengthened by the lessons and attitude Mom embodied in raising us, and that she models to the end.
Thanks for your support, prayers, flowers and food.
We'll keep you posted,
Guy
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Our beloved mother passed away early this afternoon peacefully and painlessly, with Cait at her side.
Last night, Dan was singing Mom to sleep when he heard a strange fluttering just outside her nearest bedroom window. A group of the white doves from Mom's dovecote were flapping around, settling at last on the gutter just above the window.
When Dan was setting out to return to Dartmouth, they were still there. He turned around and decided to spend the night, saying goodbye to Mom this morning.
None of us has ever seen these birds out after dark, especially in cold weather. Although it was down to single digits, they remained there keeping vigil all night long.
By the time I arrived, 30 minutes after she had gone, the birds had all returned to their roost.
There's no explaining this odd and lovely animal behavior, of course, but I liked Steve's interpretation:
"Your Dad sent them"
In keeping with her wishes, Mom will be cremated and no funeral will be held right away. A memorial service will be held at the house in the Spring, when her gardens are in bloom.
Please forward this news to anyone I may have omitted from my list -- Mom's extended family and friends surely numbers in the hundreds, those she touched and was admired by in the thousands.
Thanks for all your love and support over the past months and in the coming ones.
Dan, Guy, Rees, Cait, Hester and Adam
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